April 18, 2008

rps.

anyone who believes 'rock paper scissors*' to be an entirely luck-oriented game is frankly naive. the game is a socially inept individual's nightmare. there is technique. and i will try my best to explain.

please note: all these judgements are directed at the apathetic player. those that think there is no skill are most susceptible. also morons.

there are three types of people in this world: aggressive, passive, and neither of those.

aggressive individuals have a natural tendency to play rock. they want to crush their opponent and rock is the only answer for that crushing desire. these aggressive individuals are the easiest to pick out. usually they have large shoulders and enjoy playing halo. hint: watch their wrists - rock players have a tendency to hold their fist a little tighter than paper or scissors players. if you can see muscles flexing or tendons jutting out then its safer to bet that they're prepared to drop a clenched fist.

passive individuals have a natural tendency to play paper. they're more likely to want to slowly wrap around their opponent to defeat them. this may be both because they truly would prefer that method and because they're not entirely comfortable smashing others and they're not alright with chopping others either. they're connect much more with the gentle suffocation of the paper. paper players are more difficult to spot than rockers. in my experience they tend to be more timid and bashful; they don't want the attention, they simply want to slide away with a slick win. however, watch yourself around the quiet ones - they tend to be the most conniving.

and the others: scissors. this is by far the most difficult to judge. i like to call this the "tricky" maneuver. first off, i would like to assert my opinion that MOST individuals fall under this category. it is the most desirable option because people do not have a natural yearning to be labeled as passive OR aggressive. so they take the remaining tricky option in scissors. this fact alone already shows that scissors** players take more into account than both papers or rockers. they're already subconsciously thinking about what group they want to be offiliated with. this is why i find them 'tricky' - this means they have a greater tendency to deviate to other options. tricky individuals are likely more intelligent and more likely to try and fool you by impersonating other actions. (this is when the rock hint comes in handy - if they dont flex you can more safely play a scissors because if you know its not rock your options are a) they play paper and you win or b) they play scissors and you go again). also watch for a flexing in the pointer and middle finger (the scissor fingers).

but dont fall susceptible to reverse psychology! an intelligent being could intentionally flex their wrist and then throw scissors in hopes that the other might assume a rock is going to be thrown and that they're going to throw paper in return.

the real skill in RPS: out-thinking your opponent.
i hope you all disagree cause that means you'll comment with something angry and i like it when that happens.

-ap.

ps: i have a tendency to throw rock because i believe most people throw scissors naturally (including me), but i really wish i was a natural paper.

* - furthermore, anyone who lists the game's name in an order other than r-p-s needs to get it straight. 'paper scissors rock' is unacceptable, 'paper rok scissors' is even more incorrect, and 'scissors rock paper' is right out.

** - not even close to the phonetic spelling. so many things are wrong with that spelling. SIZZERS. thank you.

4 comments:

Jon said...

i played rps today. completely read my opponent incorrectly. i thought he'd be a rock but he was a scissors and totally demolished me. and since i played paper to begin with i looked like a passive. what an embarrassment.

KK said...

here's what you failed to analyze:
those of us (me) who are too lazy to think about what to throw down so they keep their fist in a rock throughout the whole process (rock-paper-scissors-shoot)...no need to think. you also avoid the embarassment of throwing down an indecisive play - perhaps a one-fingered scissors or a half rock/half paper play.

bad diary days said...

what a load. srp is totally a luck game.
nick

meghan said...

this may be my favorite blog ever.
thanks. you just made my monday :)