October 30, 2008

on holiday.

there are three types of holidays:

1. important ones: things like christmas, thanksgiving and easter. holidays that mean something more than just a random day people felt like commercializing. and though christmas and easter have been extremely commercialized too, they obviously have greater importance than just a special day. and have you noticed that thanksgiving hasn't really been commercialized much? i mean grocery stores put up deals on butterballs and pumpkin pie filling, and, yeah, the detroit lions are always playing football on tv, but if they had really wanted to commercialize thanksgiving with football don't you think they'd've picked a team besides the lions to watch every year (probably why they've since added the cowboys to the mix - america's team doing their best to americanize a wonderful holiday).

2. pitiful ones worth celebrating out of sheer humor: groundhog day, national talk like a pirate day, and april fools day come to mind. groundhog day is a personal favorite - probably thanks mostly to bill murray - but it's just one of those holidays that you can't help but enjoy slightly. that prognosticating rodent that thinks he can tell you how far away spring's gonna be. as if he could be the month's meteorologist for the entire nation. and has anyone noticed that spring comes early regardless? situation 1: he doesn't see his shadow and we have an early spring. situation 2: he sees his shadow and we have 6 more weeks of winter. this means spring would begin on march 16 which is still 5 days before spring actually starts. see? it's a win-win. how can you not enjoy such a holiday?

3. holidays that truly suck: st. patrick's day is an obvious example. this could be rephrased as an excuses to drink and/or act in a manner that is less than typically desirable to the general public. especially in a college town. its absolutely disgusting how people live during that weekend. the bars open at like 8 am and they're packed all day, all night, and all day the following day. nothing i'd rather do than blow some serious cash on green booze and make myself miserable for the following 24 hours. stupid.

halloween falls under category three for me. is dressing up fun? eh. sometimes. my best costume ever: a tree. typically it's too much pressure and ends up not being worth the time. best ideas i had this year: jack skellington, mormons, a Q-Tip. but the things that i really hate about halloween: sleazy costumes and haunted houses. first of all, i really feel like halloween is an excuse for all the dirty girls out there to wear something sick nast for the evening and not get frowned upon by society...much. pretty lame. and haunted houses are not something i enjoy dabbling in. am i too scared? something like that. there are a lot of haunted houses where people pray for demons to come and actually possess the building. THOSE scare me. people are toying with things that ought not be toyed with, and THAT scares me.

so. people. enjoy your halloween if you choose to celebrate it. try not to do anything stupid.

i'll be handing out candy to door-to-door youngsters with a retired mime.

-ap.

2 comments:

karlie nicole mann. said...

i read that WHOLE thing.

the last sentence was absolutely hilarious. like i laughed outloud.

also retired from:
a Jack of Hearts, a poodle girl, pippy longstocking, and hermione.

Melissa said...

They're hicks, Rita!!