life isn't supposed to be like this.

i was born in 1986.

as i've developed, so has technology. these are unrelated happenings.

and as technology has developed, those of us who live in this world have become more and more exposed to the media.

and as the exposure goes up, our understanding of what this world is really like has also gone up.

so it might seem like a surprise to most that violent crime has actually been decreasing drastically since about 1994.

that isn't what this blog is about though.

this blog is about how even though crime is decreasing, and even though i'm exposed to stories about disaster and terror all the time there are still articles that just absolutely ruin me.

this is one of those stories.

it just infuriates me. first of all, suicide infurates me. second, murder infuriates me. third, what the hell do you have to say to your friends and relatives that would ever want to be read? your reasons? your apologies? your justifications?

in tragic situations i always ask the question "what does God have in mind here?" and typically i can come up with something pretty easily. but then crap like this happens and i can't help have a moment of panic. as if God really doesn't have it all figured out. this also makes me entirely too nervous about what i want to do with my life. it's easy for me to stand by and see the brightside after a while, but is that just because nothing tragic has ever happened to me? what if this was one of my friends/relatives? would i fold and completely lose my faith? i just don't know if i'd manage.

but its not about me. its about the family and friends of this family. its about the teachers and counselors of the sons and about the brothers and sisters and close friends of the family. i pray that somehow they can manage. that Christ show his face even in this dark hour, and their souls are met with joy and happiness on the other side of life. i pray that Heaven awaited them all.

life just makes me weep. it isn't supposed to be like this.

-ap.