January 31, 2007

a dancing evangelical

there is a Christian K-12 school in the kansas city area that doesn't host school dances (to avoid pointing fingers, we'll call it something generic like Kansas City Christian School). it doesn't have a homecoming dance - it has a winter banquet instead. growing up i always thought that was ridiculous, and now that i'm grown - i still do.

in a related story, the NY Times threw out this article a few days ago. i found it to be a perfect blend of relief and humor...much like Preparation H. it is especially comforting for those of us who are hosting a dance party tomorrow night...

hilarious section on page 1: "They are opting to allow formal dances, like swing or ballroom. Of course, it’s unlikely there will be hip-hop or bump-and-grind at J.B.U. They will not be krumping."

give it a read.

-ap.

james earl jones



james earl jones, the voice of darth vader, has unarguably the most hardcore voice in the history of mankind. sometimes when i pray, i like to think of God's voice back to me in the form of james earl jones'. **

anyways. someone awesome has taken clips from Star Wars Episode IV and dubbed over vader's voice with JEJ quotes from his other various movies (field of dreams, the lion king (mufasa), patriot games, the hunt for red october, and many others).

too bad they didnt use any from the lion king. i was really hoping for "simba..." or "everything the light touches..." or "you deliberately disobeyed me...and whats worse, you put nala in danger!"

-ap.

** - gasp! how blasphemous!

snakes on a plane

wow. i don't even know what to say. i mean seriously.

this movie was all sorts of terrible. i mean ALL sorts. we're talking meaningless plot, unnecessary love, horrendous dialogue, ridiculous deaths, ill-tempered serpents, and illogical everything. oh, and a snake chomping a girl's boob.


...but it was great.

however, i can't actually do a review of it - that would be too serious - and this movie was way too off its donker. and i'm lazy. so thats really it.

-ap.

January 29, 2007

intentionality.

this time three years ago i would have described myself as someone who knew everyone and no one simultaneously - and by that i mean i was acquainted with everyone but only knew a select few on an intimate level. and i was happy with that life.

this time a year ago i decided to change that. i had decided that life isn't about how many people you know but about how intimately you know the people you know. i only counted about five people who fit in the latter category. so i attempted to change. i quit worrying about meeting everyone and focused putting time and effort into the relationships i'd already begun. intentionality is what i called it. having purpose and direction with each of my friends.

and here i am a year later, for the first time ever, disliking my life.

okay. maybe that is a stretch. i don't dislike my life, but i certainly don't love it. there is something wrong with that outcome. something went wrong in the switch apparently. i do know a handful of people extremely well, but i don't know anyone beyond that. isn't it supposed to be a positively life altering thing to gain so many meaningful friendships? i am not nearly as joyful as i used to be. i've become very serious and, at times, very antisocial. seriousness can be good, and i think it takes a great deal of seriousness to be intentional with one another, but there has to be more to this intentionality than i've gained in the past year or so.

and then i go home to kc for the weekend and go to church and hear the sermon i heard. apparently they're in the middle of a series called just walk across the room - it is, from what i gathered yesterday, a series devoted to learning how to leave your comfort zone and 'walk across the room' to get to know others. WHAT. that was my LIFE two years ago. i absolutely loved being able to talk with anyone and everyone. meeting new people and saying 'hi' to everyone brought me the utmost joy and my life reflected that.

so i got excited. this is the life i knew and loved. i'd heard this word 'intentionality' and immediately associated it with seriously heavy conversations - insightful and knowledge-filled, but with very little laughter.it was being social without being silly. i'd changed my lifestyle from being a jovial and light-hearted to being serious and, well, no fun. who wants to be intentional about that? anyone who has a choice will pick fun over its alternative. i mean come on. but this isn't at all true. the answer isn't that one life is better than the other; it is in someplace i'd failed to look.

the truth: intention must coincide with God.

what i've realized since yesterday morning is that there is a difference between living intentionally and living intentionally for God. i can try as hard as i can to be sincere and get to know others, but if my motivation is just because i'm trying to live intentionally then what is the use? my motivation needs to be God-centered. only through Christ can we truly be intentional.

i was trying to be intentional for being intentional's sake, and that is why the endeavor has offered limited fruit. not because it is a crappier lifestyle, but because i've been living it crappier. (the use of crappier in both cases is due to the fact that it is a simple way to give it negative connotations without really describing or defining it at all.)

God was the motivation behind meeting other people, but God did not factor into the equation when it came to getting to know people on a deeper more spiritual level. why can't i simply be intentional in both my conversations and in my ability to know everyone?

exciting realization: if God is my motivation i can do both. i don't need to ditch my old ways of leaving my comfort bubble to meet others. i can keep that and simply dive into deeper relationships with the people i meet. i could meet everyone and then get to know everyone.

oh, it's on.

-ap.

January 27, 2007

my parents' house

so i'm sitting at home in kc eating a kit-kat bar that i found secretly stashed in a glass canister in my family's pantry. i'm listening to "I Am the Walrus" via my pink mini iPod. When i finish my kit-kat i plan to venture back to the pantry in hopes of finding other fantastic treats i can't afford to buy myself when i'm in Manhattan. one of the perks of coming home: eat like royalty for a few days.

however, the prince's chambers are apparently being taken over by the king's need for an office. yes, my friends, as of tomorrow evening i officially do not have a bedroom at my home in OP. i think that means i officially have to refer to this house as "my parents' house." what a strange and unexpected step in the maturation cycle. weird. i don't have a room here anymore. Manhattan is not my home; i refuse to let that happen. but circumstances being what they are - dangit. it is. heartbreak. ("Yesterday" just started coursing through these little white buds - how perfect.)

it is only for another two years maximum though. i graduate in spring 09 at the very very latest - december 08 if i work my skinny rear off between now and then. seeing that i'm an awful student makes me feel like spring 09 is a more accurate estimate. phooey. eh, i'll survive.

at least i get to live in other places during the summers (hopefully). i filled out my SEVENTEEN page application to Peninsula Covenant Church today. now all i have to do is throw down a couple references, get them the paperwork, make a 10-15 minute video of myself and send everything to them out in the San Fran area. man i hope i get this job. California? seeeeerious donk sauce. who needs a home in overland park (the midwest at all for that matter) when you're living down the street from the beach all summer? holla.

but i'll miss it. my mom and i are clearing out the entire thing tomorrow. i haven't taken anything out of my closet since i was in middle school - maybe i'll find something great. like a phat check. or some long lost tshirts. or a maybe like a brontosaurus. that'd be off the chains. or my Ninja Turtles action figures (they're in there, but i know precisely where they are). regardless. it is probably going to be somewhat bittersweet.

anyway. i thought i'd lament. that word can be used as a verb too right? i like to think that i'm remotely eloquent, but sometimes i question myself - sometimes i even make up phrases that mean nothing in general. i'm trying to enhance my vocabulary though. someday i hope to use the word "nebulous". preferably in a staff meeting of sorts.

-ap.

January 25, 2007

The Trump Suit

In a certain card game, one of the hands dealt contains:

1. Exactly thirteen cards.
2. At least one card in each of four suits - spades, hearts, diamonds, clubs.
3. A different number of cards in each suit.
4. A total of five hearts and diamonds.
5. A total of six hearts and spades.
6. Exactly two cards in the "trump" suit.

Which one of the four suits is the "trump" suit?

January 23, 2007

oh mandy.

my roommates, being the observant and understanding roommates that they are, are fully aware of my love for this woman. usually i would say that celebrity crushes are ridiculous. i will concede, however, that they're perfectly alright if they are my celebrity crush. i would in no way make fun of anyone who owned and watched Chasing Liberty alone from time to time, nor would you i hope. perfectly normal and totally understandable.

my roommate, john, agreeing with me in this outlook, did not hesitate to share with me this article.

it is a rather bittersweet article for me to be honest. depression sucks. especially when it is mandy moore, and being the caring and loving individual i am i wish i could do something about it. i would gladly be there to wipe away mandy's tears if need be. however, the mix-match of emotions ensues here when i realize that my motivation for tear-wiping is undoubtedly ignited due to a heightened level of excitement seeing that she is single. now is the moment when i come in and sweep her off her feet in her ever-so-vulnerable state. yes. how adorable.

and the day is mine.

and mandy, if you happen to be reading this, i can understand if you're ultra-creeped out. i would be too. granted you're probably used to this sort of thing. you undoubtedly have some serious fan admiration that i undoubtedly lack largely due to four key facts:
1. you're a famous actress.
2. you're a famous musician.
3. you're gorgeous (see photo).
4. and i am none of those things.

ps. feel free to leave your number. i'm very single.

-ap.

thoughts on prayer.

confession: prayer can sometimes be obnoxious.

the way i figure it, worship should be a lifestyle, we can all agree on this i think. nowadays people hear "worship" and immediately think "music". that is a form, yes, but worship is a way of life; it is an every moment of every day affair, not just when some guy stands in front of a congregation and starts playing "God of Wonders". i think most people have heard that view and idea before. its not a new one.

but this isn't about worship. its about prayer. the way i figure it, prayer should be a lifestyle as well. i think prayer, just like worship, has become ritual. we pray before meals. we pray before bed. we pray before, during, and after church services. some Christian schools pray before each class period. but why? do we do it because we are in complete reverence and communication with God? or do we do it because we must? what is our motivation for prayers like these? is it holy or is it ritual?

sometimes in community prayer i feel like people (myself not excluded) try their hardest to use eloquent language and coat their conversation with God with some sort of candied church language. i also sometimes feel a great deal of pressure to pray at times when i don't truly feel led to pray. think back to the last time you heard the phrase, "does someone want to pray to close?" thus begins the 5 to 10 second awkward pause (depending on how patient the crowd is) until finally someone offers themselves to take one for the team. why do we do this? why do we require ourselves to pray in certain settings? i can't stand forced prayer. there is little or no reverence in it and God certainly doesn't need it. He deserves it, but he doesn't need it. it isn't as if God doesn't like it when we force one up to Him, but does he want them?

psalm 50.

7 -15 "Are you listening, dear people? I'm getting ready to speak;
Israel, I'm about ready to bring you to trial.
This is God, your God,
speaking to you.
I don't find fault with your acts of worship,
the frequent burnt sacrifices you offer.
But why should I want your blue-ribbon bull,
or more and more goats from your herds?
Every creature in the forest is mine,
the wild animals on all the mountains.
I know every mountain bird by name;
the scampering field mice are my friends.
If I get hungry, do you think I'd tell you?
All creation and its bounty are mine.
Do you think I feast on venison?
or drink draughts of goats' blood?
Spread for me a banquet of praise,
serve High God a feast of kept promises,
And call for help when you're in trouble—
I'll help you, and you'll honor me."

what want would He have for our offerings? what desire? he knows our thoughts, is there any need for us to lift up illegitimate prayers his way? he doesn't rebuke them, but He doesn't delight in them. what He does delight in is banquets of praise. banquets! are these pre-dinner/pre-church/pre-meal/pre-class prayers coming in banquet form? i'd consider them a light snack...maybe. like you're giving him half a grape or something like one Lay's potato chip. betcha can' t eat just one, but betcha like to tease God with one of them and don't offer up any more. He desires and deserves much more: banquets. a Thanksgiving dinner's worth of prayer. imagine the scene from the first harry potter movie when Dumbledore casts his food o' plenty spell and 900 different steaming plates of glitzy meats appear on 4 football field length tables for all the kids to devour. that should be our prayers to God. that is what delights in and that is what He desires.

we also can honor God when we call out to him. when we're at the end of our rope and we scream out to God for help, he not only helps us, but we honor him when we search for him. he loves it when we need Him, we honor Him when we look to Him for assistance and He is anxious for us to need Him. heartfelt and honest prayers directly from the soul - he doesn't want candied churchese prayers; he wants outcries. honest. painful. legitimate. gut wrenching. He is there and He is overjoyed when we want Him as much as he wants us.

prayer (and worship as well) has become ritual, desensitized and rarely sacred. application? maybe it is making prayer a constant part of our lives. maybe it is humbling ourselves and needing God at all times and holding a continuous conversation with Him every single day. maybe, instead of having the occasional "Big-Gulps-esque" conversations with Him, we make it an all day affair; when we wake up in the morning we say something like, "sup God?." and then we end our day with, "welp. talk to you in the morning." that doesn't leave room for half-a-grape prayers. it is a lifestyle, just like worship.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 - "pray without ceasing."

every moment. every day. never stop. pray without ceasing.

so...does someone want to pray to keep us going?...........k thanks.

-ap.

January 22, 2007

knowledge vs college

i have recently (within the last year or so) come to appreciate magazines. newspapers, though handy for their sense of urgency and directness, can typically be poorly written and uninteresting due to the fact that they are produced daily. books, though thorough, just eat up so much time and can occasionally become rather monotonous. magazines, i have found combines the best of both media: they're to the point, yet since their turnover time between issues is usually multiple weeks, they are typically very well written.

i'm a current subscriber to Relevant magazine and Sports Illustrated (really i just get SI so i can read Rick Reilly and look at the pictures; i get all the sports coverage i need from espn.com usually). anyway. they keep me occupied enough for now. eventually i plan to get Newsweek and some sort of music magazine, i haven't decided which one i want to get - maybe Rolling Stone.

magazines (along with a great deal of books) are where i've gotten a great deal of my knowledge from in the last handful of months. i'm learning a lot about the world, as well as about my life. along with personal experience and through conversations with friends and family, i've probably gained the most knowledge as of late from magazines.

however, i'm sorry to say, since i've gotten back to school and into more difficult and time consuming courses, my magazine time has diminished greatly. which is unfortunate, because i'm at school to learn, yet in reality it seems to be hindering my ability to do so. sure i'm finding out a bunch about philosophy and religion and anthropolgy and such, but as far as personal growth goes, i feel like i'm floundering. maybe it has just been a dry first few weeks (which i doubt), but i honestly feel like i learn less when school is in session than i do on my own. i'm currently in the middle of four books right now for my classes, however, i just spent the last hour thumbing through Relevant and i picked up more thoughts and ideas to wrestle with than i have in all of my books thus far.

i guess the main difference is the fact that when i'm looking through magazines or picking out books to read i'm doing so because it is something that i want to wrestle with and because it is something i want to figure out. gaining knowledge about The Faiths of the Founding Fathers, while interesting, isn't anything i'm anxious to add to my life.
heartbreak hotel.

anyways. i guess sometimes i wonder why i'm in school at all. knowledge? no. i just want a piece of paper.
sigh. what a lame direction.

-ap.

January 21, 2007

snow in manhattan.

before i say anything else, i need to mention the following: manhattan plowing is absolutely pitiful. they drive the plows in a straight line up and back each major street...and thats it. so every main road has a stripe of snow between lanes, and not a single residential street is plowed whatsoever. and it's not like manhattan residential roads are a cake walk to drive on just normally - little apple? more like little grand canyon on some of our streets. its like driving on that little kiddie roller coaster at Worlds of Fun, the 'Caterpillar'. ridiculous.

but this doesn't pose a serious issue to me seeing that i haven't driven my car since last wednesday. out of gas, covered in snow and ice, and out of money to refill my tank. good thing manhattan is small enough that i can walk anywhere i need to go.

we got about 7 inches today and it is still falling. my roommates and i spent about 2 hours outside throwing snowballs in it today, and we have plans to mess around in it tomorrow afternoon too. i'm pretty excited - we're looking to have a serious match up. we're going to build rival snow forts and everything. talk about great.

but for now i need to get to sleep - i've got Bedside Baptist in the morning.
late.

-ap.