searching for growth.

i feel like i've stopped thinking, wrestling and growing.

life is pretty stale these days. i'm in one of the slowest moving cities on the planet - at least the slowest i've experienced. slow isn't necessarily a bad thing, in fact, a lot of people (myself included) would argue that a lack of speed is an absolutely beautiful thing. just to stop and be silent and move at a slower rate is terrific at times. and i agree with that whole-heartedly. however, i'm someone who truly enjoys moving fast. going fast means more things are in my life and more things are forcing me to grow and learn and adjust. the faster i move, the more people i come in contact with, the more knowledge i'm able to gain.

but nowadays i see no one. its depressing a lot of the time. i miss the people in my life that would challenge me and give me new ideas to wrestle with and figure out. people like dave, nate, and christian. people with more wisdom than i have for sure, but who i'm able to feel comfortable with and in no way intimidated. sometimes i find myself reluctant to get into a conversation with someone who has new ideas or strong viewpoints because i feel like i'm being attacked. people jump on their soapbox and tell me what to believe. the three i listed before aren't like that and there is a serious lack of people like that in my life these days.

but that doesnt mean i can't grow without them. i need to learn to force myself to grow. wake up every day and search for opportunities to gain knowledge and learn new things. open up books and seek truth on my own instead of hoping it comes to me. i'm hoping my spiritual boredom ends soon - it has been so sparce for a while now (hence the plethora of posts that are NOT on here). check the drastic decline in posts in the last 5 months. happy june everyone. i'm going to try to be back.

-ap.