free weird cat.

-apc.

REVIEW: kanye west - my beautiful dark twisted fantasy.

every review i read is telling me this album is phenomenal. rolling stone gives it the often-talked-about-rarely-seen 5/5 stars. PMA blog gives it a 95/100. consider me confused.

maybe i'm just selfish and want kanye circa 2007. maybe i just throw my guard up when someone (kanye) messes with near-perfection (Graduation). there has to be something off about how i'm approaching this album, because this album certainly doesn't warrant phrases like, "It's kanye's best album" (rolling stone), or "It’s Kanye’s most complex and complete release and one of the most consistently impressive hip hop albums in recent years" (PMA).

so is it me? or is it them? something is just off.

the album is good. i will admit that, but it is certainly not "consistently impressive", nor is it "the best". its better than 808s, and that about it. individual songs can potentially compete with some off kanye's previous 4 albums, but this album ought to be viewed as a complete album rather than a collection of individual tracks. that makes it a bit dicey for me.

don't get me wrong though, there are bright spots: Dark Fantasy is a perfect lead track - the sampling draws you in and you catch your head bobbing to the back beat almost immediately. the aptly titled "Power" makes me feel like i'm about to take over the world in slow motion. it's chanting, clapping Afromerica sample puts off a dynamite underdog uprising vibe. pretty sure it has already been adopted as the team entrance music in 40% of NFL stadiums. "All of the Lights" is truly brilliant. it flows beautifully from "Power" and continues the world-domination feel.

but there are also spots where i think, "who in the world thinks this sounds remotely appealing?" tracks like "Monster" and "So Appalled" make up a dismal heart to the album. if the beginning of the album is beautiful, then this is certainly the dark and twisted portion of the album. "Monster" may give me nightmares, and "So Appalled" may never make it past five in my itunes play count.

this album stands as a whole, and i respect that a great deal. i also respect the fact that kanye pulls samples from rad old school tracks (smokey robinson, cold grits, the mojo men), but he also tosses in artists i've never even heard of on nearly every track. both of these bits, now that i think about it, revert back to his College Dropout and Late Registration days. i was spoiled with MJ and Daft Punk samples on Graduation, but he seems to have found a certain aspect of his roots while transforming them into something new and musically forward...even if i don't really care for where he's progressing at certain times.

maybe the most impressive sample on the album is the use of the original "Soul Makossa" track that is probably better known (at least by me) as a Michael Jackson reference. he throws it down as the backtrack in the Bon Iver collaboration that winds the album down to a close. the shortest track on the album (a whopping 4:17), it leads with an Imogen Heap vocoder feel that builds to an and 808-heavy Soul Makossa beat that i dig quite a bit (though its possible that he wins me over simply with the blending of the sample and the "mamakusa" line in the first verse).

it starts and finishes strong (though i can't help but be bummed out by the track 2 Kid Cudi collab - i tried, but i'm just not a Cudi fan). ultimately, save for a few songs that do anything but get me excited, the album is solid as a whole. though if i had to weigh the songs i love versus the songs i hate, it'd be an even split.

i respect the album (which i certainly did not expect to). the samples i thought were gone are present and are, truthfully, very strong. and i can ALMOST understand how this album passed with flying colors according to so many. depending on the moment - i both love it and hate it, but honestly - despite a handful of tracks i find TERRIBLE - kanye has again proven that he truly is a genius. insane? that too, but he utilizes his insanity relatively well.

ugh. i hate that i just said all that.

overall, the album is good. but not great. certainly not as good as others have claimed it to be. but as kanye says in his 35-minute film "Runaway" - "first thing in this world baby, don't pay attention to anything you see in the news." it's not a 5/5 or a 95.

i give it a 78.

-apc.

reasons i used to blog more.

reasons i used to blog more:

1. i used to live in manhattan and go to radinas/bluestem every day.
2. i have very little to say to the world wide web that can't be stated in 140 characters.
3. john buck got traded (now twice).
4. i got married and have more important things going on.

-apc.

wedding dance floor playlist.

just so we can all relive the epic saturday evening on the dance floor - here's a screenshot of my itunes:

dj falco absolutely killed it. thanks to everyone who sacrificed their bodies on the dance floor to celebrate the coopers.

-apc.

blogging from my new phone.

so I got a new phone on tuesday. its the EVO 4G and it is changing my life rather rapidly.

you probably have no interest in this blog...in fact, the only reason I even have any interest in it is simply to test if this Blogger app I just downloaded actually works.

anyone recommend anything? EVO related or Blogger related or app related? I'm new to all this.

-apc.

word verification balderdash.

typically when i go to comment on a blog, it annoys me a great deal to have to type in the jumbled set of letters. supposedly by typing these letters in i can prove to the interwebz that i am, in fact, a real-life human being and not a robot apparatus. it's truly amazing that this is enough to convince the "www" that the comment is not fake - and it's even more amazing that no one has figured out how to create a computer that can stump word verification.

the most obnoxious scenario is when you can't even read the letters - they're all distorted and overlapping and you're can't be sure if it's a lowercase "L", a capital "i" or the number "1". so you get it wrong, the page refreshes with a big red box saying "you failed to successfully reproduce the letters! go back to 1st grade!" and sometimes you even get to retype your whole comment cause it was lost in the refreshing. what a joy.

however, blogger does an exceptional job with this - their letters are legible, non-worbled, and if you get them wrong it doesn't delete your entire comment in the refreshing process. but my favorite thing about blogger's word verification, is that it creates a jumbling of letters that actually appear to be real words: drego, ligro, idesto, croida - but they're not real words. they just happen to contain some standard proto-indo-european letter clusterings and look like real words.

so what do i do? i play balderdash. i make up the definition of the "word" i see. examples...

drego - noun - an east-asian plant known for its uncharacteristically high levels of vitamin B.

phsta - noun - a deceptive, albeit illegal, maneuver in the game of chess where one is able to dupe their opponent by moving the knight only 2 spaces rather than the correctly moved 3 spaces.

ligro - noun - a baseball term developed in the 1930s as an insult to non-black individuals playing in the negro leagues.

croida - noun - any organism with a brightly colored exterior skeleton (e.g. ladybugs, scallops).

apparently i can only come up with nouns.

now it's your turn! i have turned on "word verification" on my blog. comment, and make up a definition for the displayed word! what a genius idea. maybe i'll even make it a competition and pick a winner!

hizzah! happy balderdashing!

-apc.

relationalyouthministry.com: i am not worthy.

my first guest blog is up on relationalyouthministry.com! what an honor it is to be a part of a conversation on how to navigate youth ministry more successfully. you can read my post below or check it out here along with many other youth worker voices.

i am not worthy of this calling.

i have this thought on a daily basis – sometimes multiple times a day – and it burdens me. i am not worthy of leading anyone anywhere, let alone toward the only perfect being to ever live. there is no reason i should be allowed to be a voice for students. i’ve got junk in my life just like they do – i mean c’mon, i almost swore in that last sentence! i have no business even writing this blog! i don’t even use proper capitalization!

i’m not sure if you’ve ever felt this way. my inkling is that if you’ve been a youth worker for very long, then you have. i constantly feel unworthy. broken. messed up. completely unqualified to be working in “the trenches” of youth ministry. maybe you have too. maybe you haven’t yet. maybe you used to feel it and decided you had to get out of the trenches before it ruined you. maybe you’re toying with that thought right now.

the reality is that none of us are worthy of being His hands and feet. we are not Jesus. we are imperfect people trying our best to model Him in this fallen world we live in, and the moment we think we’re worthy of this calling is the moment we need to reevaluate our heart because somewhere along the way we decided we really were Jesus instead of the cracked and bruised version we truly are.

but here’s the other reality: it’s a calling. there was a moment – maybe 5 or 6 years ago – when i actually thought, “shoot. i could do youth ministry for the rest of my life. i feel God calling me to this!” in retrospect that feels like such a pompous thing to even consider. i actually thought i could be the hands and feet of Jesus on this planet? must’ve been dreaming.

it really is a calling. where were you when you heard God’s soft voice prodding you into life in student ministry? i was in 12th grade in a 15-passenger van on my way back from a middle school event. it wasn’t a monumental evening – probably just a killer scavenger hunt or something – but i heard it. it was God’s voice through one of the adult leaders in our ministry.

“you know, you’ve got the right skills for youth ministry. you ought to look into it more seriously…”

whoa. so it wasn’t my idea after all. it was someone else’s. and it wasn’t really someone else’s either – it was God’s. it was his idea for me from the beginning, and i think it is his plan for you too.

you know what else reminds me that i was made for this? when i get to observe the lives of the students i have watched grow up. sometimes we don’t get to see the fruits of our labor in youth ministry for many years to come. we lead a Bible study, and we think, “i wonder if they even understood that.” or we meet with a student who is going through a tough situation and think, “i feel like my words weren’t the slightest bit helpful.” or someone comes to you grieving and you have nothing to say to them so you think, “i literally just sat there and said nothing.”

but then we hear of those moments years in the future: “remember what you said at Bible study that one day?” or “thanks for helping me out with that one thing.” or “thanks for listening to me vent that one time.” treasure these moments. they are few and far between, but remember them always. they are the fruits of our labor and they remind us that we are following God’s calling. as unworthy and as human as we are – this was God’s plan for us, and these are the fruits of our ministry.

and lastly, remember that God knows the plans he has for you and look forward to what you are yet to accomplish for the Kingdom. after establishing an understanding of why i’m here and what i’ve done, i can regroup and focus on the future. what is my next step in ministry? what does God yet have in store for me? how will he use me next?

for what it’s worth, here is the advice of a broken, imperfect, burnt out and messed up youth worker:

1. understand that you are broken.
2. remember you are called.
3. celebrate where you have been.
4. look forward to where God is taking you on your journey.

those are my daily prayers. actually, not daily. i wish i could tell you i prayed this as often as i feel unworthy, but i can’t. maybe it’s an inverse relationship – the more i pray that prayer, the less i feel unworthy. i think i’ll try it and see what happens.

hopefully this post is an encouragement to you – wherever you are at in your journey in youth ministry. i urge you to not give up. you were made for this. celebrate the past and look forward to what God has in store for you and your ministry.

-apc.

annie.

this is genius.

-apc.

fantasy football roster.

welcome to my 2010 fantasy football opening day roster:

qb - drew brees - new orleans saints
qb - matt schuab - houston texans
qb - vince young - tennessee titans
rb - deangelo williams - carolina panthers
rb - cedric benson - cincinnati bengals
rb - jerome harrison - cleveland browns
wr - desean jackson - philadelphia eagles
wr - johnny knox - chicago bears
wr - dwayne bowe - kansas city chiefs
wr - arrelious benn - tampa bay buccaneers
wr - terrell owens - cincinnati bengals
wr - antwaan randle el - pittsburgh steelers
te - visanthe shiancoe - minnesota vikings
te - jeremy shockey - new orleans saints
d/st - packers
d/st - browns
k - neil rackers - houston texans

quarterback is an obvious strength, but running back leaves a bit to be desired.

picked up the packers defense/special teams early and added the browns defense/special teams (mainly becuase of return man josh cribbs).

my receiving core is decent - led by desean jeackson - i'm putting a lot of hope in t.o. and rookie arrelious benn.

i won our league last year. here's to shooting for a repeat. yikes.

-apc.

episode one: the pancake molds.

episode one with my new star wars pancake molds happened yesterday after church. it went okay - it was exciting, even though execution wasn't perfect. i put too much batter in the molds and they got stuck and wouldn't come out. vader ended up looking more like darth hillbilly with that grill. and yoda ended up with a lobotomy. TK-421 turned out great, but wasn't at his post long cause he ended up in my belly.

episode 2 may be entitled "attack of the chocolate chips". here's to hoping.

-apc.