crushes.

one thing that i have going for me in this whole sex-crazed world we live in today is that i am much more inclined to have two types of crushes instead of your typical guy/girl crush.

1) man-crushes: the list includes - billy walker, michael cera, kanye west, lebron james, john buck, justin timberlake, vince young, chris brown, jared allen, dwayne bowe, jamaal tinsley, will smith, nick welch, so taguchi, relish, adrian peterson, danger mouse, john mayer, kevin durant, jeremiah johnson.

there are probably many more on the list, but for times sake i'll move on.

2) fictional-female-characters-crushes: the list includes - hermione granger.

thats pretty much the story. some might argue that i've had my fair share of celebrity crushes in the past (mandy moore, kelly clarkson, serena williams), but those are only half serious (well, kelly and serena are anyway). i think somewhere in my mind i know that those are COMPLETELY irrational though.

how's that for making no sense at all? i think what i mean is that i can't dream of those. i can always dream of hermione and no one can ever think i'm shallow and no one can ever be jealous or think i'm being dumb. cause they all THINK its a joke.

and as far as the man-crushes go - guys are just too awesome. and no one can deny that the list i've layed out above is made up entirely of awesome individuals. (possibly with the exception of relish - there is the occasional ketchup and mustard loser out there).

anyway. thats that.

-ap.

girls do not equal apples.

girls are like apples on trees.
the best ones are at the top of the tree.
the boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of falling and getting hurt.
instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but are easy.
so the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.

just a little wisdom for you all. whatever. punch me in the head. please.

this is potentially the biggest load of crap ever, and i don't say that just because i am personally afraid of 'falling and getting hurt'. i say it because i'm serious. this is so lame.

for starters, if life is how i think it is, and i like to think that it is, then every guy is destined for one specific apple (apple and girl will be used synonymously from here forward). and if there is just one tree holding every female/apple in the world?! that makes the picking rather difficult, regardless where 'the one' is situated on the tree. plus, i think everyone would agree, that if this is your typical tree shape, there would be more apples situated near the bottom of the tree than at the top, thus, every man's chances of having 'the apple of his dreams' be the very top apple on the tree is highly improbable. it is much more likely that the apple will come from the bottom. it's simple probability.

and what nonsense is this?! the ones at the top - the ones the guys are apparently striving for - are NOT the ones that are picked last. please. every guy tries for the ones at the top and they go first. so don't tell me that the closer to the top you are the less likely it is you'll get in a relationship. thats a load of crap. if anything it means you're more likely to be sought after by more fellas. hence, more of a chance of finding 'mr. right'.

furthermore, it makes the idea of relationships a complete one way street - the guy just climbs until he finds the one he wants and then picks it...right. like he just saunters into Special Nice Lady Friends R Us and picked one up. or maybe he just checked out the catalog. NOT how it works. more often than not the apple has something wrong with the guy. the guy can try as hard as he wants to pick some apple, but that one just will not budge from the friggin tree...and that doesnt make any sense. apples don't have a choice who their picked by once they get chosen they're history - which only furthers the fact that the ones at the top would go first.

good point. booyah.

besides, any girl that just sits at the top of the tree and makes no effort to get picked doesn't have my sympathy at all. if the apple isn't going to put forth any effort to be seen or to let anyone know it is even interested in being picked then how is she ever going to get what she wants? she'll end up settling for whatever guy gets there first. not very romantic and, in reality, pretty stupid if you ask me...but you didn't, so forget i mentioned it.

another thing i find dumb: this thing's intent is to make guys look stupid and at fault. you mean to tell me that it isn't the chick's fault she's single; it is every guy on the planet's fault? you're really going to blame us ALL? thats just immature. the whole idea is to make guys look lazy and worthless, when, in reality, isn't it the girl that is just sitting there doing nothing? you're just sitting on the tree waiting and hoping while we work our butts off to get anywhere near. sounds fair to me.

whatev. i'm not climbing any trees soon. heck i don't really even like apples. except granny smiths. but i don't really want to pluck any apples named granny. i'm not really in to senior citizens.

i started this thing trying to be funny, but i'm finding i'm becoming more and more frustrated as i type. i will now go back and add in bits and pieces so that it is more enjoyable to read and doesn't appear at first glance that i am venting about the fact that girls are dumb.

nah. i'm too lazy. it'll chill as is.



late.

-ap.